whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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