she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he fucked my hip out of place.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
