I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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