Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
