In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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