I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
