Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
