He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
