Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
