After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
