Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
