I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
