So drunk, too bad you don't want this
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
