It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
