I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
