he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize