Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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