Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
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