evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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