Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
