lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
