You can't special order awesome
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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