I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
