Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
