I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
