You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
