Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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