He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
