I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
