And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
