So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
