Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
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I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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