He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
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I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
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I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
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