If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
