I love black thongs
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
