There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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