Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
His hands were made for my vagina.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
