I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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