You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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