You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
