I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
