I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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