your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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