Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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