Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Randomize
