i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
