Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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