the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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