We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
