I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
