Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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