Sry I called you an 8
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
