I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
