Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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