I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize