i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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