I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
