i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
