Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
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