I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I wear drunk well.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
