Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
