I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I supernannyed him into submission
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
