i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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