Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
